Get Me Outta Here!!

All I've wanted to do lately is travel. As much as I love good ol' K-town, I feel like there's so much more to this world. Sometimes I wonder if I'll be one of those people who watches their grandchildren graduate from Davis High...I don't want that to be me. Even though I absolutely dreaded the thought of moving when it was actually a possibility, I don't think I was ready then. I feel ready now. Maybe it's that part of me that is dying to be independent and be on my own. There are 49 other states in this country, and I haven't even seen all of the one that I live in! There are how many other countries, filled with how many other people?? As Alicia puts it, you're raised in a place and if you stay in that place, you meet and marry someone from that place and you stay in that place, you raise children, the cycle continues.

There's just so much more to do out there! I want to live in a really small town, like Stars Hollow (too much Gilmore Girls? You know it! ), then I want to live in a big city like Chicago or New York. I want to pull an "Eat, Pray, Love," and travel to Italy and India. I would love to turn my life into a huge sabbatical and just go visit all of these places, meet all of these people! Why does it all have to cost so much money?? I really wouldn't mind touring Europe by way of hostels. A little sketchy, maybe, but it's cheap and you could see everything! France, Spain, Italy, Belgium, England...give each of those three weeks and you've got a nice three-month vacation! How perfect would that be? So perfect.

Okay, reality check. I have no money (at least I won't once college starts). This would all be so nice but I've pretty much accepted the fact that it ain't happenin. Not all at once or anytime real soon...

The thing that kills me is that we're just average. Sure, there are extraordinary people out there, I know quite a few. But for the most part, they just lead average lives. You do the college thing, maybe the mission thing, but then you get married and have kids and that's just how it goes. I look at some of the sisters in my ward, who could do absolutely anything with their lives and would be amazing at it, yet here they are in Kaysville with their husbands and kids. I admire them for it, because all I really want to do is go play. I do imagine that at some point, the desire to be a homemaker will kick in and I'll enjoy being a mom. I've just never loved having kids around, never been too fond of the mothering thing. If I could just have teenagers, that'd be perfect! In fact, once they can talk, I'm fine. Kids are funny! But what do you do with a baby? I don't even know.

Anyway...We only have one life, and what if something happens between now and old age? What if I don't make it to the point where my kids are all grown up and my husband and I can do whatever we want, just the two of us? Does that even happen? I hate to think that I may never get to see these places, that all I'll have known is Davis County.

Ooh! How about a road trip across America? Start on the Oregon coast, check out all of the church history sights, all of our nation's historical sights, stop and see all of our nation's historical sights, stop and see all of the shows I possibly can, hang out on all of the beaches...

There's just so much out there. I've concluded that I need a career that will allow me to travel...which means I'm totally messing up my kids' lives because they'll either never have a place they can really call home, or they'll have a poor relationship with their mother, who'd hardly be home.

Reality check number two. As much as I want to get out and go, at some point, I'm going to settle down somewhere and there we will stay. My husband will work, I'll take care of the kids. We can't all be Samantha Brown (her show was always my favorite to watch on the Travel Channel. She go to go everywhere!), no matter how hard we wish (someone remind me about these things around 11:09 or 11:10...I've got some wishing to do.)

Okay, what I want, in case I never get around to all of this traveling, is pictures. Books and photos of all of these fabulous places decorating my room or my future home. That way, at least someone will be able to see how bad I want to go, the I don't know, maybe someone will take me to Europe for my honeymoon. Whatever. I feel like it just might be a step toward making these dreams reality. Nothing wrong with that, right?

Or I'll just marry rich! His family will have homes all over the world, as well as several private jets for convenient travling. Perfect!

Reality check number three--Although I wonder sometimes, I do know I'll get married, just because that's how it works. But the guy I marry? It'd be pretty sweet if he were famous or something, but chances are he'll just be an average guy.

Sometimes it would just be nice if money didn't matter and we could go anywhere and do whatever we wanted and just enjoy this world. That's what it's here for, right? This huge, gorgeous round thing which we've taken over? Of course we don't own it, but I think it's here for us to use the best we can.

So, goal time. Paris. It has to happen. Why? Because, once upon a time, someone said: "Il faut aller a Paris au moins trois fois: une fois quand on est jeune, une fois quand on est en amour, et une fois quand on a de l'argent et qu'on peut vraiment vivre bien." As much as I hate to say this, I'm not gonna be 'jeune' forever! So I'm going. I am. I have to. Before I'm...30. That's when you get really old. Twelve years, that seems reasonable. Watch it happen, kids. Watch it happen.

Summer: Week 3

This week mainly consisted of the grocery store, a fabulous trip to St. George and my 18th birthday! Lots of partying going on!

Concerning the list:

--Midnight picnic with my best friend Micaille! We hit up the Sev to get some of our favorite snacks then headed down to Barnes Park for an hour of chatting and trying not to freak ourselves out. Fun story! A couple of my coworkers were telling me it wasn't a good idea to go to a park late at night...12:30 rolls around, Micaille points out a couple walking on the sidewalk...Oh, just one of my fellow checkers and her bagger boyfriend walking together. Creep in the park much? Ha! Too much fun!

--Excellent tan is on its way! We spent two and a half hours by the pool on Friday...in 105-degree weather...a little bit burned but mostly just an excellent base for my tan! 'Twas rather successful.

--I read another book! "Okay For Now" by Gary Schmidt. Soooo good!! It's a childrens book but it's one of those that everyone and their dog needs to read. It's one of those that makes you feel grateful for everything that you have and makes you want to be a better person. So good. READ IT.

--My movies for the week: Runaway Bride, The Proposal, Morning Glory, Mr. Popper's Penguins (yes, that was my choice, and yes, I certainly enjoyed it. I can't speak for my mother, however...), and Confessions of a Shopaholic. I love them all.

It was definitely a great week. Lots of partying, lots of fun.

I really feel like hiking this week. I like being outside. So...if anyone wants to be my hiking partner? I could use one. That's all. :)

Goodbye, Dancing Queen

I was driving around with my grandma and brother, listening to music on my 17th birthday. My iPod was on shuffle, and along came ABBA. "You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, onlly seventeen..." Hey! That was me! That quickly became this past year's theme song. It was my favorite as a kid, and now it was mine.

364 days later (today...), I was in the car, listening to it with my mom, but I wasn't quite as excited about it. A little sad, actually. This happens right before my birthday every year. I've always felt so excited and so ready to grow up, but right before it becomes official, I kinda freak out. (Not like that much can change in a day, I know that. The number means nothing except that you're getting older and gaining more responsibility. Not all in a day, it just means it's coming. Something like that...) It's not that I think I can't handle it or that I'm not ready for it, I'm so ready. I just don't like change so much. Things are good the way they are, why mess that up? I know life would be pretty boring without it; it's be like a dumb book that has no actual premise or plot, just a bunch of words. Okay, life would be pointless. Easy, but pointless.

So I should be glad that I'm turning 18 and going to college and becoming an adult. (There's a line from Paint Your Wagon where the dad tells his daughter something along the lines of her not even being an adult, to which the daughter says, "Why, I'm feelin' more adulterous all the time!" I'd so love to use that in a conversation, that'd get some good looks. Anyway...) And I am glad, I really am. I'm glad I'm out of Young Women and in Relief Society. It was a crazy six years, we had tons of fun, but I was definitely ready to move on from that. I love Relief Society! Our ward has amazing teachers and I feel like I always get so much out of their lessons and discussions. I love that even though I'm much younger than most of the sisters, I have a place there and fit right in. Who am I even kidding? I've been old my whole life. I think I was born about 35 or 40 years too later....I'm glad I'm out of high school. Boy, that was interesting. And so hard!! Everyone said it would be so much fun, which it was, but not enough to do it all again. Maybe I'd redo senior year, even though it was the hardest one, it was the most fun.

I'm just not as excited for college as I should be. I was excited at one point, back in December and January. I finally figured out where I was going, what I wanted this next year to be like, I had it planned perfectly. I don't know how I got attached to that plan so quickly, but I did, and letting go of it has been the hardest part. When it wasn't working out, I was completely crushed, but I came up with a new plan. Then that one didn't work out, so I came up with another one, which didn't work out, and here we are. My completely last resort, the plan I always wanted to avoid... There's nothing wrong with it, I just never saw myself fitting into it. Even now, I can't see it. I hurried to register for classes as soon as the plan was set so I could have some closure. While that's helped a little, I still don't know if this is what I'm supposed to be doing. I can't help thinking about all of the other plans I had and wishing I could've made them work, which is all completely pointless since there's nothing I can do about it now. I really am with the plan, but my problem is that I'm only okay. I want it to be fun and exciting and something to look forward to! I want it to be the best time of my life! But really? It's going to be like high school, except I'm going 20 minutes further. Yip. Of course it'll be a little different, it's college. I have no idea how things will go. I just really, really hope that I've made the right decision. That's what's bothering me the most. Is this the right thing? Should I have worked harder to make my other plans work out? Am I going to regret not going away? I hate that I over-think things like this, it would be much easier if I could just accept it as it is, since there's nothing I can change at this point. It is what it is.

Maybe I'd just like one more year to be 17...another musical in high school, I'd even take calculus again, I could redo the whole college decision thing...I just want to be the dancing queen for one more year. I've yet to find a cool song about being 18...is this a sign? That I can't be 18 yet? I bet it is....But it is what it is. Tomorrow always comes, ready or not. So I'll do what I always do. Party anyway. Figure the rest out later.

I Love...

Life. My grandma. Diet Coke. Musicals. Rainy afternoons. Seeing the stars. Watching movies. Finishing a good book. Writing. Slippers and my fireplace. Looking through pictures and scrapbooks. Good hairdays. Late night chats with a girlfriend. Coming across the perfect scripture right when I need it. Seeing my favorite people at the grocery store. Observing Ambien aftermath. Audrey Hepburn movies. Sharpies. Hugs. Pedicures. A successful batch of chocolate chip cookies. People who go out of their way to say hello. Reams of paper. Getting real mail. Listening to music that's way too loud. My deluxe snuggie. Croissants with Nutella and strawberries. Ikea. Girls camp. Finding cute shoes that actually fit. Our family cabin. My piano. Rhonda (may she rest in peace). Pillows. Quoting entire movies. Trees. The satisfaction that comes from making my bed. My leather bracelet from Musical Productions. Pictures. Driving home from the temple with wet hair. Trying on someone else's glasses. Summer. Knowing I made a difference. The social aspect of calculus. Winning a game of Solitaire without cheating. Grocery shopping. A text, an email, a note, someone taking a minute to tell you they care. Vacations. The moments when life feels like a movie. Napping on the tramp. My bedroom. Having exact change. Cute puppies. Hanging out with my mom. Children's books. Hot tub parties in the middle of winter. Hiking. Playing in the sand. Therapy sessions with good friends. Reading through yearbooks. Being spontaneous. My friends and family. Knowing who I am. Being me.


*Inspired by Kira Johnson and Amy Nielson*

Summer: Week 2

What did I do this week?...is it bad that I can hardly remember?
Let's see...17 hours in a grocery store...a lot of shopping, some partying, too much sleep? That sounds about right...
Concerning the list...
My three movies for this week: When A Stranger Calls (still kinda scary the second time), Cinderella (The Rodger and Hammerstein version, one of my faves) and Paris When It Sizzles (can't help but love Audrey Hepburn! Cheesy but so adorable).
New recipe?...didn't really happen. But! I did help my mom make Caramel Oatmeal Bars (sinfully delicious, might I say...) and I assisted my grandma in the trial of a new recipe, BLT Pasta Salad, which wasn't bad at all! ("More mayo and more bacon!" --Grandma Susan)
I read a book! Mr. Popper's Penguins :) It was a favorite of mine when I was a kid, and I just had to read it again since the movie came out this weekend! I love it :)
So maybe I'm slacking on my list...but I'm still really lovin this summer thing. If only the dang weather would cooperate! Maybe then at least I could work on my tan :)
Oh! Gilmore Girls. Just finished season 5. I think I may have a problem. I'm way too into this dang show! It's just so good!!! I'm not quite sure what I'll do when it ends...I can't just start another show...I may have to watch them over again. Or get a life. I'll figure that out when I have to.
Oh again! Civil War is going on the list of favorite musicals. So good! It's playing at the CentrePoint Legacy Theatre in Centerville...in case you want to see it...go and do!
I also did some thinking and writing this weekend...I must've been really bored. Anyway. Maybe I'll post some of it. I don't know.
Summer. Good stuff. I can't believe June is more than half over. Two months until college starts...oh boy.

Summer: Week 1

While I didn't necessarily do much this week, it was pretty successful. Through sleep and a lot of Gilmore Girls, I've managed to almost completely rid my brain of any intelligence it once possessed. Mission accomplished.

As far as my list goes...

I did go on a date. Good times. Do I expect to go on another? No. That's why my list said "at least one." Done and done.

I tried a new recipe! Ooey Gooey Peanut Butter Brownies... MMM!! They weren't too pretty (they get extra bubbly if you add too much sweetened condensed milk...not necessarily a bad thing?) but they were so delicious. With a little practice, they could be amazing.

The movie thing...I only had time for 3 :( And I was asleep part of the time... I just aspired too high. I think I can be okay with adjusting that goal a bit and say that 3 movies a week would be adequate. That way, I won't be too overwhelmed when I get to Lord of the Rings week :) Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, and Ratatouille. Done and done.

I told myself I wasn't going to sleep in everyday. I'd get up, go the gym, be productive...yeeeah....not so much? I might get better at that as the summer progresses. But the thing I love about summer? It doesn't even matter. It's party time.

Girls Camp

Exactly one year ago today, I was with some of my best friends, dressed in fabulously bright tie-dye at Camp Zarahemla. We laughed, cried, stayed up way too late and had the time of our lives.

Not a day has gone by that hasn't been affected by that camp. My YCL buddies have become some of my closest friends. Every morning, I read the quote on my mirror, "I accept myself unconditionally right now!" I'm filled with an enormous amount of love every time I see one of those tie-dye t-shirts.

I learned so much that week. About myself, about my friends, about the gospel and about our Savior. That girls camp has had a huge impact on my life. Truly, all you need is love!

This Summer I Will...

My epic list of summer activities goes something like this:

*In no particular order but should all be accomplished before August 22nd, 2011*

--Go on at least one midnight picnic (in case that didn't make sense? A picnic at midnight. Food, blankets, all of that.)

--Go see the Spiral Jetty..."If it isn't covered in water."--My mother. Pessimism is always appreciated.

--Lots of hiking

--Acquire an excellent tan

--Read 10 books--recommendations are gladly accepted!

--Lose 10 pounds

--Go on at least one date

--Try a new recipe every week--again, recommendations accepted!

--Make a t-shirt blanket

--6 movies a week...is that too many? Way too much time? This may have to be adjusted...

--Scrapbook week

--Barbara Streisand, Audrey Hepburn, Doris Day and Mr. Bean marathons

--Go on a spontaneous road trip

--Bake with my pal Shelbi

--Run a 5K (check!)

--Gilmore Girls marathon (every day of my life?...check!)

--Golden Girls marathon (aka purchase seasons 2, 5, 6 and 7 then watch them all at once)

I know it sounds like I spend way too much time watching movies...because I do. But really, that's just what I do instead of sleeping. So it's fine.

All of this will be scheduled around working and such, but I'm pretty sure this has been set up to be one of the greatest summers ever. I'm stoked!